Oh dear, you've found the secret slime cave lair of Enforcer @ Draggian Universe where they put their awful little thoughts. Get out while you can. Established June 2024 as somewhere to put my angsty thoughts about how Falling In Reverse sucks other than the void and annoying my friends.
Enter at your own risk; this is where I put spur of the moment random nonsense, angst, and opinions to get them out of my brain. When I say slime, I mean slime. And possibly full on possession. There will be no content warnings.
The 50 most recent thoughts are being shown. A curated selection of old thoughts I thought were useful, funny, and/or interesting can be found here.
I'm not sure if I'll actually do anything with that other than it being a fun thing I think about to get myself to bed that's immensely appealing (I did my fair share of Zapdos-projecting and in some ways still do...), since it doesn't have the symbolic relevance of Arlo's coming to terms with his family history / animum is animum and the Reverse Mode Shadow stuff being a metaphor for / extension of dysphoria, so it doesn't fulfill any real in-verse purpose. What matters for the remainder of December is finishing RM3 and the RRverse WIPs, since that opens up the more fun 2023 stories and RM3 is also the prerequisite for the Meteor Falls story which is really the fun part of the dragon arc. And Ronnie's Awakening -> the award show -> In Which Zane Is Produced concludes the canon RRverse so the book can be closed on it save for inspiration / interesting IRL EtF / FIR events.
Spark never specifically got The Human Puberty Talk because he did 4H and corresponding bio; that's sufficient information about the mechanics of reproduction and it's pretty easy to apply to humans once you know about other animals. Now, I can imagine baby Spark being very concerned about when he'd start growing wings.
In Arlo's case, he's gotten the increased animum metabolism from years of Shadow formula exposure, but the scales are an epigenetic factor from how he has some dragon ancestry. Pokemon's animum responses definitely are genetically influenced, but no one's sure how because animum research in any meaningful sense is still very recent as a field (could not be measured until 2011; wasn't applied to Pokemon until 2016; no one outside of Vayera likes it because Cipher ruined everything) and it's...weird. See how Pokemon can inherit egg moves even when the parent who had the move was a different type, in a different egg group, 5 generations back.
TLDR: Arlo can have scales because he's roughly 1/32nd dragon and has the genetic capacity to grow them in response to animum levels somewhere. Spark is 100% human genetically, but Zapdos don't care; their physical traits are nearly entirely determined by animum and there's enough of that embedded into his physiology from him growing up with them that he's a hybrid for all intents and purposes. He just isn't quite fully grown yet re: Zapdos traits because he still absorbs and metabolizes animum much slower than his siblings...
discussion question: did his parents know about the possible physiological effects of them pawning off much of Spark's early childhood development onto a bunch of birds? what does it say about the Zapdos, morally, if they didn't tell Shawn and Frank? what if the Zapdos honestly didn't know that would be possible?
(My timeline is that Spark wandered off at around age 1.5, once he was mobile enough to get pretty far afield while his dad was busy at work, and has been co-parented by the Zapdos ever since. He was enrolled in a human preschool, but spent most of his life before age 4 at least spending all day with the Zapdos and getting his parents in the evenings because they both worked full-time. This didn't disrupt his language development because telepathy carries the important concepts even if Zapdos can't physically talk.)
I like the idea of Spark, b. 1999, having to awkwardly go on a trip to see his parents (both sets) for The Talk, because, uh, I know for a fact that guys in my family do not grow facial hair. Because those sideburns / beard are NOT hair; that is a full feather crest, and I also keep static shocking everything I touch so WHAT IS GOING ON.
And "uh, we didn't realize you'd be able to accumulate enough animum for that to happen" isn't the answer he wants.
"We figured you might get a job with Pokemon, but we didn't think that you'd also get married to a legendary dragon..."
not part of spark's canon sprite, but especially immature feathers are indistinguishable from hair and that's totally reasonable for a 20-something guy to have. Hence the lore point I've never discussed that for whatever reason, the men in Spark's family are physiologically incapable of growing facial hair, despite Frank being an archetypical masculine jock type otherwise.
Now, theoretically, being exposed to a very high animum environment during peak periods of development COULD render someone physically human capable of metabolizing animum / get it integrated into their cell structure during active growth such that changes to skeletal structure may be possible, albeit in a more subtle and gradual form. Like, say, if you've been co-parented by Zapdos since pretty much as soon as you could walk and wandered off...
Again, no one will ever transform in a way that would be visible and prevent them from presenting as their canon sprite / would make them visibly nonhuman in a non-plausible for Pokemon's level of tech way. However, Spark experiencing increased "hair" growth and maybe some bulking up in his pecs and arms is totally plausible, and I do still like the idea of him hitting a threshold for what amounts to Zapdos Puberty and having to have The Talk...issue is that his parents don't know what's going on either.
I kind of like the idea of that being correlated with Arlo's whole dragon thing, too. It's canon that Pokemon give off some pretty intense energy (i.e. animum) signatures when they evolve / mega evolve, and implied that Pokemon living in the same population tend to evolve at the same time. For all intents and purposes, that's what Arlo's transformation sequence is, just drawn out and more hormonal due to the limitations of his predominantly human physiology. So his dragon setting off Spark's Zapdos, coupled with the comically absurd amount of electric Pokemon juice Spark's been exposed to...
the stronger a Pokemon is, the more of its physiology is animum, which is what makes it able to be stronger and have more effect on the physical world; it can literally put more of itself into it. all Pokemon are some ratio of animum and hormones / metabolic growth; it's just that they have varying ratios of those and rates of how much they can convert metabolism into animum. Zapdos, and other legendaries, have very high rates of that, such that theoretically, with long enough animum exposure, physical development without genetics could be possible.
There have been experiments where if you gradually and regularly expose eggs laid by other bird Pokemon to legendary bird animum for extended periods, they come out with legendary bird-like physiology and animum when they hatch. It's speculated that this goes with the parthenogenesis as an adaptation to ensure genetic diversity and population survival even in a species with a very slow reproductive and growth rate and low population.
this means that yes, along with being suicidal, anything that tried to brood parasitize a legendary bird would have it backfire on them because This Is My Baby Now.
On a more modern-lore-relevant note, I like the idea of at some point, Arlo going to talk to Elaphe for some skincare advice. Post-Meteor Falls, where he's come to terms with the whole dragon thing. Of course, at this point, no one knowing what Elaphe is other than that they are ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING is their core character gimmick.
I'm also flirting with Elaphe clocking Arlo as having dragon in him when they actually get to interact more over the Orre story (gated behind how the Fakemon need designs and names), which is set a good 3 months before any scales are visible.
I'm not sure if reptiles would need skincare because they don't sweat or produce dandruff. A D&D dragonborn-esque design with patches of scales on a predominantly human body most likely would, and would need some unusual skincare to accommodate the textures of both parts of their skin.
One day, I'm going to draw Arlo an AU form ref, including a kenomo / anthro dragon form that's distinct enough from his copyrighted design to be requestable on Art Fight. He can have a tail / horns / wings if it isn't canon.
Canon!Arlo's final form is pretty much What You Would Expect From T But Dragon -- his left arm is fully scaly and has the retractable claws because that's where his injections were, the bottom growth has been lovingly described, and he of course has the red eyes / fangs / naturally growing like that anime hair colors, but no other notable draconic physical features save that he has patches of scales where you'd expect the most hormonal hair on a human guy. I've stated that at least his hypothesis is that any changes to his skeletal structure would be metabolically impossible. Even if he could metabolize animum well enough to do it, humans are less efficient than Pokemon so the metabolic heat from that would kill him.
I think that's neat and it makes eminent biological sense in my opinion, since testosterone DOES change skin keratinization and has more intense local effects if you take injections so...it's also squarely in the plausibly deniable zone and doesn't feel too overpowered / tonally inconsistent for Pokemon.
New Reverse Mode III segment.
I, as the author, don't know what Dudesverse Elaphe is. The original Elaphe's backstory was that they were the same entity as Neopets Elaphe, but through some sort of animum projection stuff (same extremely vague philosophical worldbuilding concept later used for my alt OCs) turned themself into the human Pokemon Go avatar in order to achieve more relevance than they ever could as a Neopet, and maybe fused with me but are distinct from my also being a Hissi / Hissi-human hybrid?
Elaphe is a Hissi who assumed human form. It has never been explained what that meant or how exactly she did that, and once she started getting lore in 2018-19 we were stably into the alts being projections / aspects / spinoffs of me and it was impossible to separate her from the intentionally vague Ellendale Enforcer. There's a comic from early 2018 / late 2017 in which Elaphe "goes Hissi with rage", as in, involuntarily transforms back into her original reptilian form due to an excessive degree of Instinct Vibes (TM), but that is a one-off joke.
Elaphe's written down lore on Neopets was for a supremely edgy cyberpunk version who had no relation to me or any previous lore, and may or may not have been originally human but transformed themself into a terrifying Zapdos-reptile abomination so they could defend their gyms THEMSELF via just actually murdering their local Mystics without Pokeball safeguards, and this got them excommunicated from mainstream Team Instinct.
To quote me in Dragonology in relation to Vritra, is Elaphe a snake, a guy named "snake", or a humanoid monster with serpentine traits? Who knows. I guess that's appropriate since I'm similarly ambiguous. I consider Dudesverse Elaphe to definitely be fully covered in scales while having a roughly humanoid build -- I don't know if they have legs and are a lizardman-type anthro or if they are a pure Hissi (of the modern variety with somewhat more humanoid torso and facial structure) doing a Ronnie Slithers workaround to fit into pants.
And they and Blanche FUCK. Elaphe is definitely not ace-spec even if I am, because their whole thing is embodying a dark and edgy sex / violence / territoriality / reptilian madness version of Team Instinct.
I don't know the ratio between Elaphe's reclusiveness being because they are a snake, an intentional bit / troll on their and Blanche's part as it is here, and a sex thing. It doesn't matter.
Elaphe also has a much weirder relationship to me than any other sona, since she spent a solid portion of her development simultaneously being me and wanting to dominate slash murder me (ambiguously sexually) for dysphoria reasons. At this point, Elaphe is fully their own thing and I have given up on trying to contain or describe her as a sona. to be fair, elaphe always kinda had a bdsm thing going on, starting with her earliest character playlists. goes with the edge and the "dystopian regime enforcer" energy that was fully established by the all black everything + sunglasses outfit in early 2018
Her closest analog is the also ambiguously-sona XP, who was also adopted as my player character username and I tried to get people on Neo / a few in real life to call me that but no one did. But XP doesn't have the also being a name I was using in real life contemporarily with the Neopet / pre-Pokemon Go and was a Neo OC first.
Sparkleronnie's "not a sona, but not NOT a sona" and ambiguity on whether I want to kiss him, be him, or eat his heart and absorb his powers is part of a long tradition of special interest embodiment OCs. Difference is that he has more separation from me via how I like his dynamic with Arlo better. And that the dysphoria being resolved makes my relationship with him much healthier.
and rather than writing something else, I think my palate cleanser before I go to bed is going to be doing my daily games on VP. I think I've used my writing MP for the day and I'm trying to do more small segments on a regular basis as opposed to writing tens of thousands of words in one sitting -- I think it ultimately gets stories done faster, and doesn't rely on hyperfixation because I can usually finish an individual segment once I get it started. Massive blocks of writing rely on fixation and end up burning me out if I lose inspiration.
the meeting with Candela and her recognizing that he's spiraling also takes on more meaning in the context of Reverse Mode II, because while she was aware that he was possessed, the last time they interacted was...not pleasant.
https://draggianuniverse.neocities.org/reversemodeii/chapter05
(you can tell that this was written before I read I Can Explain and realized how gay Ronnie was. good news is that Reverse Mode III establishes that he is NOT possessed; rather, this is a manifestation of his own issues and what he thinks being "evil" means, and Arlo is actually bi.)
I had the idea for this during my nap today. I don't normally warn for WIPs, but this is the absolute darkest thing that has ever happened in the Dudesverse, and arguably one of the darkest things I have ever written.
It is based on actual dreams of the "visualized intrusive thoughts" variety I have had, and I do really like how it reframes the reconciliation sequence with Candela as self-destructive -- luckily for Arlo, she's
(a) grown up
(b) doesn't hate him as much as he thinks she does / he hates himself
(c) knows him well enough to recognize when he's spiraling and know how to get him out of it
TW for attempted and succeeded murder, although one of the perpetrators is a Pokemon and not in their right mind at the time, a slur which in the HTML version will have some funky effects so it feels like dialogue in a trauma-dream sounds, an extremely painful and distressing transformation, OTL Ronnie in a context in which he should not be, and self-harm.
A dream sequence in which Candela attempts to murder him, but some version of Ronnie rescues him, was in the previous draft of RM3 from 2023. This manages to be infinitely darker and more painful, and the original was pretty damned dark.
The original, more Ronnie-flavored, draft from 2023 for comparison. DocX format.
What clicked for me was the combo of how birds have what would by human standards be extremely disproportionate arm and chest muscles (and Lugia's wings even have conspicuous fingers), and what the early stages of transforming into a dark-colored bird with said muscle expansion would look like.
Some of the core Dudesverse precepts are that no one will transform in a way that prevents them from presenting as their canon self, the main characters or things they facilitate will never kill a sapient being, slurs are censored if the person saying them isn't part of a demographic to which they apply, and Ronnie will never appear in person.
Since this is a not actually happening dream sequence and is therefore technically all Arlo, I can violate all of those, making it an absolute gut punch in comparison to the rest of the Dudesverse.
While they're remixed to fit his specific context, every core salient element of that dream has appeared in dreams or intrusive thoughts I've had, including the painful and murderous transformation into a special interest-adjacent thing.
either mentally playing, or actually singing, TDIMIY to myself in exact album order with as accurate of timing as possible, is also a thing I have done to self-soothe, most recently when I was completely overloaded and freaking out in New York.
It completely reframes why he's going to visit Candela -- and also makes the ultimate conclusion and how she gets him on the way out of his spiral (and with some help from weed brownies, actually gets him to sleep) that much more heartwarming.
This probably isn't going to be the only segment I write tonight, because I need a palette cleanser after...that if I want to be able to sleep.
Also, the Corphish (inspired by ya boi doing a senior research project on crayfish in real life), and the Gateon Mall Subject Debate paying HIM to get rid of their 2 years out of date Fashionably Late shirts, are now officially canon. Finishing Arlo's Dark And Edgy Backstory is not a priority, and I think at this point that revealing the salient details in an organic way in other stories is more meaningful than dropping them all at once with one set in the past, but those are some points I really like and he doesn't have good reason to talk about.
I've also never had reason to talk about this, in part because I'm specifically avoiding doing tropes that were common in ca. 2016 Pokemon Go fan works, but Arlo's established Shadow Lugia motif does take on an interesting extra dimension (pun intended; that's what Pokemon XD / XD001 stands for) when you consider that early Pokemon Go fan works considered Lugia to be a symbol of unity between the three teams because of its canon in the movie Pokemon 2000 ability to stop the legendary birds from wrecking the world's climate when they fight. I'm not sure what you're meant to conclude from that, since it's established in canon as of 2019-20 that the team leaders do have a good professional relationship with each other and they need each other to balance out their quirks. Still, though, it's kind of neat.
anyway, meteora is good except for the same reason that none of my other 2019 period piece faves have gotten detailed assessments in favor of being spaced out over CDs I happen to find (well, one reason. the others being large bases of output and debatable scenemo canon relevance. Slipknot is the only one that has gotten full assessment because I've managed to find every album except their very first one between McKay's and stores in Atlanta), which is that I'm kinda playing Russian roulette between "this is still good and was a formative experience" memories and...the other kind.
this one hurt. good song, but it hurt. similar vibes to why I will never listen to Icon For Hire again.
favorite tracks with which I was not previously familiar are lying from you and figure.09
The Lollipop Magazine CD was much friendlier re: its HTML being self-contained and working on modern browsers. So I'll need to boot into Windows to see if there's anything there I can preserve / reupload in usable form. I do have Flash Player Projector for precisely this / Neopets graphics (Ruffle doesn't do visuals and layers correctly), so worst case, I can screen record the videos / maybe screensaver if I can't convert them to MP4 directly. I refuse to mount external libraries or scripts on my Neocities for anything more essential than webrings.
I was hoping it'd be like the Lollipop Magazine CD where it served up all its stuff in HTML-friendly formats so I could just upload it straight from the disc to Neocities / Nekoweb, but those EXE launchers mean it wouldn't work in pure HTML form, and Flash is a problem.
If I'm going to be converting SWFs, I also need to turn the banner from Escape the Fate's old website into an MP4 or GIF for future use. I nabbed it because it and the basic HTML layout were literally the only parts of EtF's site that still worked -- everything else was tied to an external database which isn't on Web Archive even though the shell of the site is, so whatever was in the "Media" section for TNS4TD / DIYLF will remain unknown. The Escape the Fate / Falling In Reverse subs weren't that helpful, although the one guy who contributed his photo dump was nice.
Moncton CD #11: Linkin Park - Meteora
This one was a given. Linkin Park is in the same category as Korn and Slipknot where I haven't dedicatedly assessed them due to huge output and debatable scenemo canonicity, but they are always a fun time. Well, at least their earlier work while Chester was still alive. They were also one of the angsty, debatably life-saving 2019 period pieces.
I don't need to tell you that it's good. It's quintessential to what Linkin Park does well. Raw angst and rage, with musical metal / hip-hop hybrid production that nothing else quite matches and builds a solid picture in conjunction with the lyrical values and legitimate emotional delivery.
It's also an Enhanced CD, so if I can get its extra elements working, I may upload them along with liner note scans. However, unlike the Lollipop Magazine disc, this one has EXE launchers for its web elements and relies on Flash, so I'm not sure if I can get it up in interactive form. I'll need to try its autorun on Windows to see if the EXEs even still work on modern OS and browser versions. I should at least be able to upload the videos / maybe screensaver, although you may have to download them / run them in Ruffle or Flash Player yourself if I can't convert them to MP4.
Oh, and its physical packaging is excellent -- putting the booklet into a fold in the cardboard folding sleeve as opposed to stapling them together means that you can take out and peruse / scan the booklet without damaging it or the corresponding sleeve (unlike some of the Slipknot albums), and that you still get the lyrics and lore from proper liner notes (unlike the Bullet For My Valentine and Dead Rabbitts albums I have with cardboard sleeves).
Moncton CD #10: Green Day - nimrod.
Green Day is one of the bands from whom I'll pick up cheap CDs for being a generally pleasant and historically relevant time, but have no plans to assess. This is on grounds of most of their work no longer doing it for me, questionable scenemo canon connection, and a very large output. Anyway, this one is fun. It's got more hardcore influences. Hitchin' A Ride is my favorite and actually kind of reminds me of MCR, and Misery off Warning (which was my favorite track from that album as Hitchin' A Ride is for this one). Worth listening to if you like pop punk and its environs.
Moncton CD #9: Bad Religion - No Substance
Discussion question: What does it mean to "sell out"? Is that even a useful concept, or does it just punish people for the crime of wanting to make a living from their art? Does being punk require you to belong to a specific economic / social demographic, or are the ideals what matters?
I don't have answers to any of these questions, but I think you could make a convincing argument that being a label exec renders you no longer punk. Being a label exec for a completely incompetent label whose flagship band is openly bigoted and regressive definitely does.
Bad Religion is an absolutely massive and majorly influential name in 80s / 90s punk, that may or may not have metal or hardcore elements depending on who you ask. They are also directly to blame for subjecting the world to Ronnie.
It isn't too uncommon for bands, typically of the punk-adjacent variety, to try to start their own record labels in response to perceived unfair treatment by the label they'd been on or real or imagined objections to the industry. This rarely goes well, because it turns out that being the lead singer of a band (who, if you were on a notable enough label to pick a fight with them, had most of the non-singing logistics handled for you) does not make you an expert on how the music industry works or qualified to manage your own band, let alone anyone else's. Also, doing all the stuff a label would normally do for you by and for yourself is really expensive, and most bands can't sustain it very long. The best case scenario is that a band releases one or two albums self-published and then goes back to a label that knows what they're doing. (e.g. A Day To Remember) The other likely outcome is that the band self-destructs.
Epitaph Records is one of these ego-trip labels from Bad Religion's lead, and has for some inexplicable reason survived since the 90s despite, or maybe because of, how they don't do much of anything. They, and their managers, have some of the worst and least helpful corporate websites I have ever seen, and given...everything Falling In Reverse is and does, they don't seem to do much as a label even when their bestest boy does things that are blatantly self-destructive and make them look bad. And is almost certainly costing them money.
Epitaph is a bottom-tier label, as shown by how all of FIR's peers who were once on it and still exist have moved to better labels. There are 3 kinds of bands signed to them:
Tiny bands who leave as soon as they get established. (e.g. SeeYouSpaceCowboy)
Bands who left bigger labels because they wanted to retire. (e.g. All-American Rejects)
Falling In Reverse.
It can be logically concluded that FIR is still on Epitaph when their peers have left for better labels because no one else wants them, probably due to Ronnie's...him, and also how he's picked fights with every other genre label.
It can also be logically concluded that if Epitaph were to kick Ronnie out (which they should. even if supporting hate groups doesn't violate his contract, selling songs and VIP passes on Patreon almost certainly does), or he were to acrimoniously leave, no one else would take him. And that without Epitaph, no one would be willing to work with or host him.
Ronnie has threatened to make his own ego-trip label.
What do you think would happen to him / the label / Falling In Reverse's career if he did?
Hint: the same outcome as Ronnie's original clothing brand.
Anyway, I don't know if this is a case of "punk has become more intense since the 90s, so older stuff feels downright tame to a modern audience" or "this was always bad; people just didn't notice because of novelty", but this does not impress me at all. The problem with pure non-hardcore punk rock (and really, with pure hardcore without melodic or metal elements) is that it's very simplistic musically. In ideal cases, the simple musical structure allows songs to focus on emotional and ideological content, and can even carry a sense of defiance against cultural standards in itself. I'm not really catching any of those in this album. It's very on-the-nose and genre standard by my 2025 standards, even when I'm trying not to think about my research into Epitaph and how given Epitaph's bestest boy, I've lost any respect for them / Bad Religion as punk I might have once had.
I picked up two Bad Religion CDs at the book sale, but what I usually figure for when I get two albums by the same artist (especially if released in a short timeframe between each other, as this one and Stranger Than Fiction are) is that if I don't like one of them, I probably won't like the other either, so I don't see a need to assess Stranger Than Fiction.
See, what makes me better than your average FIR hater is that your average FIR hater just blames Ronnie -- meanwhile, I'm arrive that every part of the Falling In Reverse supply chain is some combo of evil and incompetent, and they're all to blame. It's still mostly Ronnie, though. And the fans / "journalism".
'tis easy to forget how chunky pokemon go's original 3d models and text looked. for obvious reasons, that has lived in my brain rent free since 2016
favorite track outside of nostalgia-bias for Going Under, Tourniquet, and Bring Me To Life is probably Haunted
Moncton CD #8: Evanescence - Fallen
I'm pretty sure I already know a good half of this album just from osmosis and/or Nightcore canon. I don't need to tell you how absurdly influential Bring Me To Life is on our modern concept of Edge. Evanescence is more in the tradition of post-grunge with light metal elements musically (compare Shinedown, Thousand Foot Krutch, Three Days Grace) and not really the sort of thing I'd seek out anymore outside of nostalgia, but is undeniably an influence on the standard emo aesthetic. Or specifically, their lead Amy Lee is. The best example of this is probably the infamous edgy fanfic (named after a song from this album) My Immortal, i.e. the only loosely Harry Potter-related thing I'm willing to acknowledge because it has nothing to do with it.
Now, what we need to take into account with Evanescence in Edge context is that their edgy metal elements were against Ms. Lee's will -- the original versions of these songs were supposed to be solo-female-vocals acoustic ballads with piano, but the execs basically forced the male side vocals and metal elements because they didn't think "a chick and a piano" would sell. While I don't need to tell you that Bring Me To Life absolutely slaps and we all love a good "wake me up inside" joke, it's important to put it in context of the historical and present misogyny of the rock / metal market. Both in regards to what this album sounds like and how it was marketed, and in regards to how much bashing it got. Bring Me To Life is probably tied with, or beats, Last Resort (Papa Roach) and Crawling (Linkin Park) as the most cliche and joked-about angsty song in existence, and those jokes are fun. Self-parody has always been part of rock / metal culture, especially in emo and punk contexts. But it's important to think critically about what really made them into punchlines, how much control the artists really had over it, and whether that's a tradition you want to take part in.
anyway
Moncton CD #7: Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
I'm a child of the 2000s; of COURSE I know Complicated and Sk8er Boi. Anyway, Avril Lavigne is part of the extremely poppy wave of turn of the millennium pop punk, which is an influence on scenemo canon, but debatable in terms of how much it meaningfully belongs to it. Most of Avril's work is even poppier than her peers and doesn't carry the vague 80s / 90s emo influences of the likes of Simple Plan or All-American Rejects, which is roughly what she reminds me of on Under My Skin: a more upbeat, female version of something like SP / AAR / Yellowcard. Also reminds me a little bit of early, rock-influenced Ke$ha, which makes sense. A fun and nostalgic time, but not really notably emo or punk and Under My Skin is about as edgy as she gets. She's not really any poppier than Yellowcard / Simple Plan / All American Rejects, but they're considered scenemo canon and she isn't, probably because of Avril being female.
Favorite track is probably My Happy Ending; it's the one that gives me the most sarcasm-laden Ke$ha vibes.
it's the difference between whatever ronnie's doing and projective experience-informed mental health / addiction / etcetera songs from better bands (although the WHATverse is way better and less whiny than FIR.)
honestly, the fact that I can even CONSIDER fictionalizing my experiences in a way that has a hopeful ending and isn't 1:1, and can talk about them in a lore-drop sense like this, is a pretty solid testament of my recovery. therapy did in fact work
the whatverse does not have "character arcs"; it's fictionalized and not exactly 1:1 but let's be real it's well-written and does have compelling characterizations and setting, hence why I kept it up and revised stuff / got the pages into a form I'm satisfied with in 2023, but it's traumadumping / venting with extra steps. The Dudesverse is actually a story about similar experiences that isn't about me, and has an arc and a conclusion, and a generally positive one.
Ultimately, Reverse!Arlo is not EE. EE was forced upon me and was a parasite on my true core identity (Elaphe / the Enforcer / etcetera), so she does NOT deserve redemption or hugs and has been canonically dead since 2022. Reverse!Arlo is Arlo himself and is organic to him in a more meaningful way, so talking him down / the cooldown hug is a flashy metaphor for realizing your trauma response IS a trauma response and him not defining himself by reactive, Ronnie-adjacent "evil" anymore.
Elaphe (Pokemon Go, not the Elaphe who I ultimately realized to just be me) was a valid special interest group leader, but had to be mercy-killed because she got possessed and devoured by EE and we didn't know that WAS a demonic parasite until it was too late to save Elaphe and their corresponding area. The Pokemon Go zone was abandoned and evacuated. Ultimately, with years of work, the non-toxic parts of EE were reabsorbed, with Pokemon Go merging back into the core Enforcer stuff with Draggian Universe / the pet games / etcetera (read: the Dudesverse and realizing what Pokemon Go actually was / is to me outside of the raid group). Eventually, the Edge aspect spun off into the much healthier and organic to me Reverse-El.
The whole Sicarian Mindscape with the 3 special interest group leaders isn't a metaphor, but it isn't NOT a metaphor either. I'm fully aware of the facts of trauma and diagnostic labels. However, I honestly consider "my special interest was hijacked by a demon who attempted to possess slash kill me, so I used my OC-making enforcer swag to possess it right back and absorb its detoxified powers, reclaiming the legitimate identity aspects it stole from me" to be the most accurate description of what EE was.
the snake / demon / conceptual embodiment / etcetera stuff lives in an odd self-conceptual space that does not jive with either any "mainstream" religion or spirituality, psychological terms, or how otherkin / therian / voidpunk communities frame it, but is a fundamental part of myself, hence my openly IDing as nonhuman / all of those things but nothing more specific or subcultural. it is a fact of my existence, and the reptile thing has been with me for as long as I have meaningfully been sentient
being a reptile was inherent; being a demon was forced upon me but I have reclaimed it because what I am is a conceptual embodiment and demons are Edgy. (and also, the long historical conflation between demons and snakes, and my conception of special interests as possession-like experiences -- if that's what you perceive an independent and empowered snake as, then yeah, I totally am a demon. or alternatively, the being possessing me was me. you've seen my blog posts about this)
well, I only got halfway through my stack of CDs (need to get up earlier tomorrow so I can bring the rejects to trade in before 5), but I guess I got some good introspection out of it and some percolating juice I can put into writing more of Reverse Mode III. (I did not end up doing any fanfic writing today, because I wanted to assess CDs and I can't write things with dialogue while listening to music. Any writing that isn't dialogue is fine, because that doesn't get spoken out loud in my head.)
The original version of Reverse Mode III had Arlo defeating his inner demon with in-universe RRverse fanfic, but that was removed when I decided to reframe the story to not be about Ronnie, but be about the actual existential / traumatic core cause of WHY Arlo's so invested in Falling In Reverse, and to be more accurate to recovery. You don't fight RSD intertwined with past trauma with self-loathing or trying to force a more "wholesome" version of yourself. What Arlo needs, and what Reverse!Arlo gets, is the cooldown hug and an honest "thank you, I understand you were trying to protect me, but we're safe now". And that, coupled with him getting into regular therapy offscreen because that isn't interesting to read or write about, is what works to start the process and to let him start emotionally opening up and reclaiming his special interest via the Emo Scouts, Rogue, etcetera. (although the overt connection is still there via him officially granting creative control of the Sparkleronnie OC and verse to Tiffany.)
The core arc is more akin to my relationship with Team Instinct, which it took the Dudesverse itself to reclaim, but there is also absolutely musical overlap re: Arlo latching onto Ronnie and pals as much as he did to separate himself from Candela, his mom, and his own dysphoria.
Arlo's trauma bond with Fashionably Late Ronnie is such a relevant thing in my work because I did that, just with different artists. (Outside of the ones I still listen to, Jeffree Star and Mindless Self Indulgence were among EE's favorite bands...I didn't know about the artists IRL, but still, yikes.) People do talk about misogyny among trans men, especially closeted or non-passing ones, but they don't tend to talk about it with any real compassion or understanding, and many of those are TERFs. And people do talk about the emo / transmasc overlap, but rarely discuss the biases fundamentally embedded in that genre and what it means to reckon with those while being queer. Absolutely NO ONE talks about how to reckon with a special interest being intertwined with both queer awakening and trauma, or about a special interest getting Much Worse slash having always been bad but still being a core part of you. So, Arlo's whole FIR arc is a story that needs to be told, and the Falling In Reverse part is necessary. It's crack fic, yes, but it's crack fic with a damned good reason.
I say this with the utmost affection, as a historical Hollywood Undead enjoyer when I was in that demographic (I also think Break Stuff came up on the Amazon Music algorithm around the same time, and I did playlist it). I'm just glad that the Nightcore algorithm never exposed me to Fashionably Late, because it easily could have and honestly, Alone / Rolling Stone / BGC are not substantially worse than some of the stuff on my old Soundcloud likes. (even outside of my it's complicated Nobody Likes Me.)
notable album release date and peak popularity is in 1999, and this is TOTALLY music for edgy 14-15 year olds that nobody outside that demographic can take seriously, and guess who was born in late 1983 so would be exactly in that demographic in '99? eminem and 90s skater punk are what he admits to, but honestly falling in reverse bears more resemblance in both appearance and behavior to this and to the boy band-adjacent blink-182 (which he also admits) than to either of those. and to katy perry, which good for him for being secure enough in his masculinity as of 2012 to admit that
obviously rapping as a vocal style is not culturally closed. however, these have the same problem as Fashionably Late and Hollywood Undead (supposedly at least one of the original HU boys was actually from an impoverished background, but the main source on that is them so better citation needed) in that they are trying to be "gangstas" operating on a very surface level. Slipknot, Korn, and Disturbed do a much better job at being Metal Guys Who Rap rather than trying to be Rappers (TM). And also have better structure and delivery.
note: the odds that this was a formative influence on Ronnie, given how much they resemble his professional behavior (derogatory) and the date of their popularity, are pretty damned high. the cool street cred 90s Epitaph skater punk is what he admits to, but he definitely listened to this shit and decided he could be a cool guy 90s-style poor quality cultural appropriation rapper. unfortunately he started trying to do that in 2013, at which point that was no longer anything but a joke. (this is the same era as the 4kids Pokerap and it shows.)
Moncton CD #6: Limp Bizkit - Significant Other
Like every edgelord on the planet, I'm familiar with Break Stuff. This is in the category of bands who are of historical interest on grounds of being a punchline / one of the major bands that introduced the mainstream to nu metal along with Disturbed, Korn and Slipknot, but that I had no particular desire to spend time seeking out. But upon encountering a CD of their most famous / relevant album, I picked it up, figuring this would be a good truncated assessment. If I like the surroundings of their most famous song, the rest of their work is worth assessing. If I don't, then I have enough historical context for what made them a household name to be a well-rounded Edgemaster and can close the proverbial book on them.
When put in context with the other 2 biggest "nu metal" names (Slipknot and Korn), they make for a nice trifecta of its predominant influences influences -- Slipknot is more metal, Korn (and early Disturbed) are more industrial, and Limp Bizkit is very hip-hop. I think this album is important listening for anyone interested in that sort of thing.
Unfortunately, their rap delivery and lyrics are both rather bad, they don't really do much in the way of meaningful metal elements structurally (it's just lackluster 90s rap with loud guitars), and the distortion guitar doesn't quite save the lackluster quality thereof. Compare Hollywood Undead, but with 90s sensibilities. A point of historical interest, but not much more than that. I can see why this was so influential on people who hadn't heard this kind of fusion before, but in 2025, there are far better options available in terms of both rap and metal elements.
Another comparison to Hollywood Undead is that they can't decide whether they're a parody or not. I'm inclined to say that they're not, since their lyrics aren't really any more stupid than their peers, and they're also pretty well-known for immature behavior including towards their fans. If a good half of your Wikipedia page is "beefs" and people getting injured at your concerts, then I'm not going to interpret your musical gimmick being how much of an asshole you are as self-aware humor. (there's an obvious comparison here, but I don't think I need to say it.)
Good news is that unlike some people, they're basically retired from being assholes because several of them have health issues, one of the original lineup is dead, and people kinda stopped caring about them by the mid-00s.
Moncton CD #5: Italo Magic Super Dance Hits 96
Thank you to the one person who reviewed this on Discogs and uploaded it as an entire-album hour long video to YouTube. I assume that's the same person since they both use the exact same phrasing of "the best eurodance CD I've ever had". Anyway, this is definitely a Eurodance compilation. Despite my Nightcore / rave music phase unequivocally actually being a phase, I still have a certain affection for 90s / 00s Eurodance. I'm never going to go out of my way to do historical study and assessment on this sort of thing, but I pick up weird 90s dance compilation CDs like this when I see them because they're always a fun time. Songs to play Neopets to.
Moncton CD #4: Stabbing Westward - Wither, Blister, Burn & Peel
It's fine, but less metallic than Darkest Days. I liked Darkest Days better. This one is more standard industrial rock with 80s / 90s synths, so less industrial-Korn or Powerman 5000 and more Depeche Mode. Seems like something my dad would like.
Today on "songs that I have heard before, but I have no idea how, when, or where". I have memories attached to this song, and I know I've never consciously heard this band name before. Much like with the last song for which this happened (Alesana - Seduction), it's a very specific memory that I Have Heard This Song, not just that I find it familiar or reminiscent of others I like. Since it seems like the kind of thing my dad would like, maybe I heard it on the radio during a road trip at some point?
i wish avatar of jarlsberg had a skill that improved meat drops
Moncton CD #3: Stabbing Westward - Darkest Days
I wasn't sure what to expect from this one -- Wikipedia just calls it industrial rock with metal elements. I'm finding myself really enjoying it; it reminds me of the less metallic / more electronic based tracks from Korn and of a grimier and more pessimistic version of Powerman 5000. The edgier / faster tracks hit my vibe, and the whole album is pulled off well. I like the guitar / electronic elements fusion and the compression and for lack of a better word, griminess that sells the vibes. Metal clean vocals are executed well, too -- it's got supremely dark and metallic vibes without needing screaming. Compare Imperative Reaction (which is stably the electronic kind of industrial) for the harsh cleans. This isn't the only album from them I got at the used booksale -- I also picked up Wither, Blister, Burn & Peel upon verifying edginess of name and that Wikipedia thought they were an adjacent genre, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm probably not going to fully assess their output any time soon, especially since the two I have are apparently their edgiest albums and they lightened up a lot, but I'd pick up another CD from them and they're getting some tracks onto my phone. (whenever I finish debloating / reassessing my library and can copy new things to my phone again...)
Favorite tracks:
Drugstore
Save Yourself
When I'm Dead
The Thing I Hate
Discogs thinks it was self-released, but I don't know if that's correct. It, MetalArchives, and Spotify are the only records. The liner notes don't attest a publisher or label, although if it is self-published, they got some pretty good printing for the compact disc itself. Now, I do think that the disc art might be a sticker, based on its edge / seam, vs. printed on the disc itself.
https://www.discogs.com/release/6337952-Neverdie-Phase-2-Revolution-EP
Still, even if they didn't have a label, the fact that the disc exists, and they put some decent effort into printing it given the disc sticker and glossy paper, suggests that they had an audience, which I usually think of as predicting quality. I guess it's possible that the members of this band were supremely hot and that's why that one guy on Reddit praised them, but I'm just...confused about how this exists.
There are of course no pictures or videos of this band, and they don't have photos of themselves in the liner notes, so I don't know what they looked like and if they compensated for poor quality with prettiness. And this is their latest documented release, and outside of Falling In Reverse, bands don't generally get worse. So they had enough of an audience to get 3 releases out, if we believe Discogs / MA.
This is actually unique in that I've encountered very few published, professionally produced and printed CDs or tracks on said that were actually Poorly Executed in every aspect. There have been ones that aren't interesting, or not my style, but they're usually at least musically competent. So something that's honestly BAD in every aspect is legitimately unique.
(popular monster 2024 is an outlier and should not be counted)
Prevalent Souls is also unfortunately 7 minutes long, and only gets worse. It might be one of the single worst songs just in terms of every part of it being off key I have ever heard. At least it isn't hurting entire demographics by its existence, doesn't exist to twist the knife on an abuse victim, and doesn't physically hurt due to how horribly mixed it is? But that's the best I can say for it.
I try to be as charitable as possible when doing song assessments and going for "what are they trying to do?" and the guitar work and mixing on the metal songs on this album is not bad -- if a better vocalist covered them, I think they'd be perfectly competent. But the last track, there is nothing nice I can say about.
Also, they have a token gentler song in Prevalent Souls, which...does not work. It's clear that their guitarist doesn't know how to do acoustics well, and the "tribal" drums make no sense with the rest of it. Also, the cleaner the vocals are, the more apparent it is that they're off key. It's an interesting example, even if not "good", because it ALMOST works.
Moncton CD Assessment #2: Neverdie - Phase 2: Revolution
Web Archive (uploaded by me)
MetalArchives is not a good wiki. Unfortunately, it's the only meaningful record of this band's existence, save one Reddit post about indie metal in Moncton. It does seemingly exist online, but only on Spotify, so I feel no qualms about reuploading because both Spotify and its downloaders suck. Anyway, MetalArchives absolutely hated this album. But they are also known to hate anything fun and refer to anything they don't like as "nu metal" or "metalcore", and don't tend to specify WHY they think something is bad. (see Enemy Of The Sun, which I found to be both competent and fun -- and decidedly not metalcore; it feels more like System Of A Down than anything, but they insisted on calling them that and attacking it for the crime of not being traditional metal, whatever the fuck that means.)
It actually is bad. The guitar work is competent, but the lyrics are incredibly cliche and the vocals are bad. The cleans are off key and the screaming is fried but not in an intentional way. I think that were the vocalist better, the cliche-ness of the lyrics wouldn't be quite as apparent, but it brings itself to attention in the delivery and just establishes that the intended energy of the honestly decently epic and atmospheric guitar work isn't being carried.
The best conclusion I have in terms of vibes is a somewhat worse version of Trivium, which I think something like that was what they were going for -- they're trying to do a more modernized, melodic thrash metal but just not quite landing. I think if they had a better vocalist, it would be perfectly acceptable. But unfortunately, they don't. Still, though, I'm glad that I actually listened to it and drew my own conclusions for why it's bad rather than taking one pretentious reviewer's word for it.
Moncton CD Assessment #1: Hooligans Crew - Bad Day
Discogs | Web Archive (uploaded by me)
Not especially unusual, but competent and enjoyable skater punk from a tiny band from somewhere in Canada, but no one online knows where. I got it at a used book sale in Moncton with a CD copy that had obviously had its covers copied in black and white. Not hardcore; predominantly melodic but not very much in the typical punk rock tradition. Compare, loosely, Rites Of Spring and Radioactivist from the Scene Spreadsheet. Only documented album from this band. My upload is the only record of its existence online besides Web Archive, one track on ExoDemoScene, an ephemeral mention in relation to another band on someone's skater punk nostalgia blog, and an ephemeral mention in a text file about the history of the Commodore Amiga art scene.
I like contributing to the sum of available knowledge with super-obscure discs like this, even if they aren't all that interesting. It's definitely punk and definitely listenable, though, and it's fun, so I'd recommend checking it out on Web Archive. Favorite tracks are probably Don't Give A Fuck and Nath.
to be fair, maybe that isn't VLC; maybe it's being slow because my music library on my computer contains like 7,000 songs, but that's no excuse that's fucking nothing by modern file size standards
holy shit, not only is VLC glitchy at ripping CDs, it's also being glitchy in playback and not rendering the visual parts of the interface correctly. guess I'll try rhythmbox for playing local files? if that doesn't work, anybody got any good audio player suggestions for linux mint
I'd like the Rainbow Varwolf better without the white face. I think it would look better if the face were also black. I also agree that it would be better if the blacklight / dark rainbow and standard rainbow were different brushes, since they fulfill entirely different aesthetic niches.
I guess the music recommendations sequence does still carry the same symbolic meaning as him and Candela getting stoned and listening to Motionless In White does -- Arlo has not listened to anything new from anyone besides Ronnie since 2015, so it's an effort to open himself up and find something else he likes, and no longer treating the SI as his one defining trait. Which is a step forward, but the perceiving everything having to do with Ronnie as inherently evil and needing to be eliminated is not.
in that personally rejecting the rest of The Scene in favor of Ronnie is the same emotion and impulse as why he joined Team Rocket -- he's fully giving up on being anything but Evil and has decided that if he can't win then he's going to be Candela and what she cares about's worst problem, hence the Fashionably Late nonsense
you try to get a decent character arc out of "hehe it would be funny if arlo was emo and he and spark kissed a little"
since the dudesverse kinda had a substantial change in seriousness in between 2022 and 2023-24. this is the solution to addressing how Ronnie Enjoyment overtook Arlo's other traits in 2023, because that also happened to him in-universe and is totally a thing that can occur if you're being affirmed in and feel safe in expressing your special interest for the first time...especially if it has ungood stuff attached to it making its expression thorny and complicated (see: me with team instinct)
he ratchets up the ronnie nonsense because spark is literally the first friend he's had who actually Listens to him and Cares about what he has to say (Cliff is focused on how he's just a sweet little boy and Candela will argue about problematicism), but the issue is that the core emotional spark (no pun intended) which is what got him so invested in FIR (i.e. his abandonment and RSD issues) is no longer present, so he needs something to change what that special interest means and separate it from the traumatic surroundings. again, see me with Team Instinct; this is autobiographical albeit all the specific backstory points are different
hence the rocket scouts and rogue and arlo getting more into the elder emo role and being more academic about it vs. just being a falling in reverse fan albeit better at it than most
He's not supposed to be a self-insert. All of this is tied into his canon and OC backstory. However, this concept with special interests is a very personal backstory-relevant one, and one that doesn't get talked about. And of course, Ronnie was Arlo's special interest before he was mine.
so tldr I think the music recommendations sequence will still be included, since it carries symbolic significance (reaching out and reconnecting with The Scene for the first time since 2015, and also recognizing that he has a support network now!) and after the starts-out-dark-but-becomes-more-comedic redemption conversation with Candela, it establishes that we're getting to the relatively happy / hopeful ending of the story, with Arlo getting some tools and being willing to seek out help (in this case from Blanche about his animum issues and why he's still Literally going into Reverse Mode) and ultimately taking down his RSD demon via...actually, like, being liked and comfortable in his own skin and stuff, and no longer feeling obligated to be evil and ronnie's biggest fan because he has real friends now
I HOPE that all of this is conveyed at least by the Dudesverse in aggregate if not any specific story, although I'm aware that you have all the meta lore so are not a good person to ask. There's supposed to be actual arcs and observations on real things that happen with people who have special interests here. It isn't just stories about how much FIR sucks. (which is very apparent here; nothing in the intro dream sequence or monologues has anything to do with Ronnie beyond a surface level -- dramatic irony. the demon lugia guy is talking about personal identity and RSD and trauma and stuff, but the only takeaway Arlo gets is Ronnie, so we know that what he's doing isn't working and isn't really what he needs but it takes him a while to realize that) but I'm a little worried it comes off as such
The New Years Resolution has been pared down to finishing RM3, Ronnie's Awakening, and In Which Zane Is Produced by the end of the year, which I don't think is at all implausible. Especially since my semester ends earlier than it did previously and I've pretty much already finished the big writing assignments; I just have quizzes and a video presentation I need to record my voiceover for.
The big reconciliation scene with Candela is already written, so I just need the dream sequence that tells Arlo he needs to reconcile with Candela, maybe the music recommendations although I might eliminate that scene because it's no longer tonally appropriate or relevant with the new RSD / trauma vs. FIR focus (although Twisted Roses existing, I do want to canonize at some point), and then the animum worldbuilding + finally reconciling with Reverse-Arlo via cooldown hug.
Where we get the bittersweet ending that Arlo's specific relationship with Ronnie is over, but that doesn't mean that part of him or his life was inherently evil or bad. It just means he needs to find a new way to get meaning out of the music he likes and stuff, and also should find a non-Team Rocket affiliated therapist to work on his issues offscreen because it's not okay to put all that emotional labor on his friends and love interest. And that as such sets up the remaining 2023 backlog with him redefining what his relationship to Edge as a concept (and to being a Pokemon trainer and Team Rocket) means via the Rocket Scouts and Rogue.
In which Arlo has a breakdown at Subject Debate. I decided to make myself actually write something and stay awake today, rather than taking an extended "nap" because I didn't want to be conscious. Lighthearted Ronnie nonsense was not necessarily on the table to write. Reverse Mode III does have an ultimately happy ending, as we've discussed. It just needs to get through the trenches first.
Taking down and/or attempting to physically destroy things I perceived as "immature" or "evil" was absolutely a thing I did in 2019-20 while similarly spiraling (and not realizing, much like Arlo isn't here, that it was not Team Instinct's fault.) And much like him in this case, the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do was quit Neopets. Which I did seriously consider. I'm very glad that I didn't.
The segment starting from the T-shirt wall at SD is new.
the problem with flight rising is that it's too much like a social media site. calm the fuck down
there is also a blatant GMO fearmongering thread on the front page of GD for some reason?
"Free speech and chaotic trolling"... You mean bullying. That's what that means. It's all fun and games if you don't have the "cringe" interests or don't belong to demographics that trolls attack. No one using the term "free speech" online is worth listening to.
I got a book of flowers on poppy seed pets today / last night apparently and it's hilarious. Might be my new favorite book onsite.
oh no, the new pet day capsule (despite my being against that sort of thing in general) unfortunately slaps. I am all in favor of the rush of scenemo wearables even though we should all know that "emo revival" is Not hence why I do not consider myself part of said. ("emo rap" is neither of those things; being sad is not a subcultural concept and get off my lawn.)
Theme is 90% by Enforcer; the rest is thoughts.page default. Kick ass, take names, fuck Ronnie Radke (not literally).
