Oh dear, you've found the secret slime cave lair of Enforcer @ Draggian Universe where they put their awful little thoughts. Get out while you can. Established June 2024 as somewhere to put my angsty thoughts about how Falling In Reverse sucks other than the void and annoying my friends.
Enter at your own risk; this is where I put spur of the moment random nonsense, angst, and opinions to get them out of my brain. When I say slime, I mean slime. And possibly full on possession.
The 50 most recent thoughts are being shown. A curated selection of old thoughts I thought were useful, funny, and/or interesting can be found here.
why is there no urinary equivalent to "the shits"? Hell, I don't even know what the clinical term for "producing too much of it" is. Not quite exactly equivalent to diarrhea, but same vibes.
In other news, Ronald's bassist seems to have broken up with him. In that Tyler has unfollowed him on social media and Ronnie has been whining about friendship and whatnot. While no official statement has been made, the consensus from fans is that Tyler is done hanging out with him (he was the only post-Derek FIR member who did and seemed to sort of like him) and totally justified in doing so. It remains to be seen whether Tyler personally breaking up with him corresponds to him leaving FIR, but I really hope he does.
Since Max Not That One left slash got kicked out last fall, FIR is now down to Ronnie, one drummer (Luke, who is also a mercenary and not contracted with FIR long term), one guitarist (Christian), and one Bassist (Tyler). Tyler has also been picking up a lot of vocals on recent tours, because Ronnie's gender affirming care means that he can't hit some of the notes on the likes of TDIMIY or even more recent singles e.g. Watch The World Burn anymore. So, basically, if any of the current FIR guys left, FIR would be unable to function as a band, and Tyler would be a serious blow. So here's hoping he finds a better boyfriend slash boss! (Note that Tyler is also married. To a woman. Not that this matters to Ronnie.)
everybody gangsta until the snakes start to sing
Well, I guess I'm eating dinner out, despite how I just wanted to go to CVS and did not put on a binder, because it went from light rain to very hard rain (my outer hoodie is now completely soaked) in the time it took me to get to CVS and I want to at least wait out the worst of it. Because I do need to go to CVS. So I'm at the Asian place that's usually reserved for special occasions since it's the only thing by CVS that's still open.
I legitimately enjoy walking around in light rain if it isn't too cold, but living where I do, light rain doesn't stay light long. I like rain and thunderstorms in general, since they give me both snake and Zapdos vibes, but I am very well aware of the dangers of being out in them and have been in range for tornadoes and/or hurricanes my entire life. (And possibilities of hurricane force even without spinning -- when I was on summer break at my folks' in 2023, a crazy powerful straight line thunderstorm with 90 mph / 145 kmph winds was centered on my neighborhood and knocked out power for a week. One of my neighbors completely lost their roof and still didn't have it a year later.)
journal has gotten too long for Zoho writer to like it again and I don't know where to move it that I can edit on both my computer and phone. It is NOT going on my website or anywhere else public.
my canonical sexual orientation, in the absence of my being interested in defining it further, is "whatever Situations is doing". this is my canonical romantic orientation, slash how I fit being pretty confident in being aromantic into Emosexuality (TM) -- not being into / experiencing romantic attraction in favor of edgier things or just fucking is a relatively common theme, and this one especially resonates.
the enforcer does not do romance; the enforcer perhaps fucks in the abstract, although I can't say I'm IRL that interested in that either; the only thing I actually fantasize about in that "I would like to do this to someone I find pretty" vs. abstract symbolic power is basically just cuddling so. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere ace-spec, but whether I'm fully triple A battery (aroace agender) is who knows, and not a question that interests me that much. hence emosexuality as a personal coinage / placeholder.
have acknowledged that "yeah, there is just an aesthetic I like regardless of gender". I do think my "type" is broader for femme-presenting folks, but I've had more immediate reactions to guys. Not wholly sure if the latter is attraction vs. gender envy, though, and Max (and frankly anyone special interest adjacent) is an outlier and should not be used to draw any conclusions.
my gender is established -- genderless legendary snakeboy. my orientation is much vaguer. I think feminine, androgynous, and/or emo people are pretty and want to give headpats regardless of gender, and do not know what romance is or see what all the fuss is about outside of it being an interesting story device. it's not a question that really interests me, ultimately; the important part is that despite being my initial queer awakening, "lesbian" was wrong in basically every conceivable way. (masculine-aligned lesbians / folks who use both bi/pan and lesbian as labels bc they find that resonant are cool, but I am not one of them.)
hate the new etymonline layout
i probably shouldn't be alive
Dreams from this and last night:
2025-04-29: staying at an expensive hotel with my dad trying to figure out the best deal for breakfast. Also, I had a beard that was thin (roughly goatee width) but very very long.
2025-04-30:
driving past a long chain of increasingly elaborate buildings themed after the Flight Rising and/or Dragonvale elements. Many of them looked like Dragonvale habitats. The exceptions were the elements Silver, Sulfur, and Scenemo.
exploring Sidney, Australia on Google Earth after seeing some manatees. Then I went through a water slide (one of the ones with flashing multi-colored lights in there like at great wolf lodge back in the day), also digitally, but still get wet after the fact.
i guess i can get more edgy real word named snakes now with sanctuaries live, but tbh, i've been so burnt out on santae due to the constant string of item updates but there being nothing gameplay relevant in any of them that I'm not sure that I care
4thewords thinks password is wrong even though I know it's not and the dialog is not loading to reset it. guess I just don't get to log in today
i paid for a year a couple months ago and I can't decide if I want to renew it; being able to freeze my streak and not lose it for missing one day is important for my motivation but I'm not sure if it's really worth financially supporting longer term
my true form is the serpent; it's when I look human that I'm cosplaying. humans are fun to draw, but I'm a snake with a human sona, not the other way around. creature masquerading as human that has the courtesy to wear snaky gear and have snake symbolic motifs to hint you to its true form
It's weird that to kill / kill at something is to succeed, but to massacre or butcher it is to fail. I guess if you must murder your obligations, do so cleanly?
my phone's been really slow about slash unable to send images in SMS lately and I don't know why. Fossify messages for android; my data is fine and I can send images in signal on data so
annoying combo last night of phantom features and regular back pain. regular back pain does not like sleeping on side / stomach but can't sleep on back because there are wings coming out of it (was something of a giratina centaur last night; wings and bottom half six legs on humanoid base)
I ended up on some otherkin / alterhuman sites last night and got reminded of why I don't use those terms and my various issues with their framing. One document referred to physical shapeshifting as "not possible in consensus reality".
That is not a cultural construct. That is a law of physics. It doesn't care what the consensus is. We could all decide tomorrow that physically turning into a wolf was possible, but it still wouldn't be, because DNA and conservation of mass don't work that way.
ronnie if he were born 10 years later and got to experience peak edgy neopets slash deviantart ocs
it still works because he just hasn't matured since he was a teenager
everything is in copperplate Gothic, his favorite font, and it's bookended with "DO NOT STEAL!1!1!!1!! ESPECIALLY YOU CRAIG" and how he's NOT a furry he just has a DEEP SPIRITUAL CONNECTION WITH WOLVES.
tempted to boot up MS Paint (maybe with my mouse even) and draw up a ref for Captain Crusher (real name Ronald, that name for Ronnie's superhero OC from when he was 6 is from I Can Explain), everybody's favorite werewolf vampire alien reincarnation of Jesus with laser eyes and crazy evil powers from his deal with the devil, and Dana Dentata, his emo S&M supermodel girlfriend who's probably also got some sort of kenomomimi features and maybe the actual powerset her name implies. Ronald also has a true form with floating hair and mismatched angel and devil wings, and maybe both horns and a halo / crown of thorns because he's so conflicted. (I do honestly think that motif is cool, but just really dipping into the edgy 12 year old stereotypes.)
I still don't think he was attracted to Saraya or vice versa, but he did seem to legitimately like her as a friend and think she was cool as a concept, so him expying her for his sona's girlfriend shortly post-breakup would make sense. There's something sweet, in a twisted 13-year-old sort of way, about that concept.
The love interest for an OC who's just a gender swap of them is a common trope associated with typically teenage or younger amateur OC makers, often combined with the absurdly overpowered self insert. And guess what Ronnie's superhero sona, who seems to have been basically unchanged since he was about 6, is?
The model from Toronto is real, but the sona of an edgy and S&M inclined metal rapper of some sort prone to making frivolous lawsuits isn't. (Ronnie also bribed his pals at LoudWire and such to make fake articles about his OC for Wikipedia.) She does look like she's counting the minutes until she gets paid every time she's been seen with Ronnie.
Also, this is better. Dana isn't Ronnie's girlfriend. She's Ronald's. Well, Ronald's Monster. The guy with the laser eyes.
As of the Australian tour, Ronnie and Ronald are officially different people. "Ronnie isn't here right now" different people. Ronald('s Monster), being Ronnie's hyper masculine sona, is of course straight and has the sex with the women, even if Ronnie is somewhere between ace and gay. There are two options and I can't decide which is better, and by better I mean worse.
Ronnie made an OC to be his sona's girlfriend, and as amateur OC makers are wont to do, the result is something resembling both a female version of him and an expy of Saraya. At some point, he made the "you don't know her she lives in Canada" excuse, so to prevent him from getting caught in a lie, either the label or Ronnie hired an actual Canadian model to play her. (The person is real, but the sona of Dana Dentata isn't. Like, even less real than baseline.)
Ronald('s Monster) is now a separate headmate slash possessing force in his own right, and is now capable of assuming control of the body. He has a different sexual orientation than Ronnie, and has a girlfriend that Ronnie doesn't know about. (Dana is real, but the version of Ronnie she's dating isn't, or at least is not our Ronnie.)
Now, seeing as she doesn't seem to like him at all, the notion that she's a hired actor slash escort seems the most likely. She doesn't seem attracted to anyone in Ronnie's body or vice versa.
The idea that he not only made a poorly constructed OC (gender swap of him slash expy of Saraya) to be his sona's girlfriend, but hired an actor to play her is just so delightfully pathetic. And would make sense with all the mythmaking he's been doing lately, and Ronald being a different person officially, which is rather concerning.
nonserious conspiracy theory: Dana does not actually exist. After all, she's supposedly from Toronto and we all know that Canada is the home of all US losers' fake girlfriends. It would also explain how much her appearance and personality resemble a female version of Ronnie. He would consider suing Lil Nas X for no reason an attractive trait.
"Uh, yeah, I have a new girlfriend! You wouldn't know her! She...goes to another school. In Canada."
"Right. Can we see a picture?"
"Here!"
"...this is just a poorly AI generated female version of you with the tattoos airbrushed out."
I don't know when it would make sense since all my friends know I exist and I doubt they talk about me, but I need to get someone to make a "you wouldn't know them; they go to another school in Canada" joke about me at least once.
get wrecked
Also found this delightful image while looking for a suitably slimy Origin Forme GIF.
shadow tentacle thingies bursting out of my back RN. have wanted those for a long time
Giratina gear in Pokemon Go was my ideal for years but it would be great if they had both sets of wings
still, though, my avatar is now an anthro Giratina decked out in edgelord gear and wielding a terrifyingly large hammer which is a pretty optimal gender presentation
I wonder if I could just set all images to max width 100℅ in my stylesheet here so I didn't have to inline them...
The Serpent From The Distortion World, Dripping With The Slime Of Concentrated Shadow
^ me rn
was just walking back from the dining hall and that popped up. psychic link at it again
This message was brought to you, wholly unprompted, by the apparition of Ronnie that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear in his voice. Frankly, I consider its statements as canonical as anything.
"see, the reason for the blackout tattoos including on my legs when I never wear shorts is that I just hate the idea of being seen, or seeing myself, naked, but if I cover everything in ink I can pretend that I'm not. The problem is that I refuse to let anyone ever see or touch my genitals, so I'm forced to look at that thing and hate it. Frankly, I would rather not have it at all. I long to be a shapeless mass, bound by neither morality nor gender."
#legalization with ventilation
do whatever the fuck you want just don't drive or do it in public, unless you're at somewhere like a bar or public use site where everybody there has consented to witness that
look, I'm pro-legalizing all drugs, because frankly it's not really anybody else's business what you put in your body, but it BECOMES my business if you're doing it in public or in the non-well-ventilated shared building you live in, because weed fucking STINKS and gives me headaches and I have to share a hallway with you
Dana (Ronnie's ambiguous new female acquaintance who looks uncannily like him) is from Toronto, per Wikipedia.
She's literally his girlfriend who you wouldn't know and never see with him because she lives in, uh, Canada.
It might also be that just calling him by first and last name is what disgusting FIR journalism, I.E. all FIR journalism does, hence my aversion to it. But best not to tempt fate. Also, the various other things I call him are both funny and accurate.
The horrible apparition that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear in his voice (the one that moved in without my consent in February 2023) fluctuates in age and apparent era, but usually resembles the Fashionably Late version. Which, if I had to choose the most "Ronnie" Ronnie visually speaking, I would pick that one. The face tattoo is irredeemably stupid, but well, ca. 2013 Ronnie looks like he sounds. That's the most congruent he and FIR have ever been and it's been downhill ever since. Plus he's still actually capable of being cute.
Most other paracosmic Ronnies are decidedly modern in that they are pathetic slimeballs unless it's the EtF version, of course.
Plus, some part of me finds the original face tattoo to be stupid in a charming way, hence its presence on Mr. Goated and the cause of all my Goatlings issues Iced Out. It's stupid, but in a way that feels unique and representative of Ronnie. That one...looks like Falling In Reverse, for lack of a better word. The crown of thorns is both stupid and generic. Which also looks like FIR.
Baby / TDIMIY Ronnie is a generic, but pretty albeit somewhat feral emo guy. FL / JLY looks like Falling In Reverse. Then FIR becomes varying values of incoherent and generic slash stupid, and so does Ronnie's aesthetic. Popular Monster (2019) is an outlier and should not be counted. I suspect it's that how pretty he is and how good FIR is are both manifestations of the same variable, namely how much he cares and how connected to reality he is, which has been rapidly dropping since 2015 or so.
This concludes my symbolic and historical analysis of Ronnie Motherfucking Radke's haircuts; thank you for coming to my SPARC talk.
(Just typing his first and last name feels viscerally wrong. It feels like it will summon him. Hence the Motherfucking.)
Up until about 2014, he's still physically capable of being cute if you don't look at him too long. Like, Bury The Hatchet is actually cute. That ship sails once we're through Just Like You.
I consider ca. 2015 to be about when he stops being especially visually appealing, although the ca. 2020-21 long, straight hair version isn't too bad. He stops having any semblance of light behind his eyes except when he's with Max in 2013 and has looked less human in every successive photo ever since.
how to tell when a picture / video of Ronnie is from based on hairstyle and tattoo coverage:
asymmetrical haircut; you can still see notable bare skin on his arms -- no later than 2006
floofs and full sleeves, but still visible bare skin; neck tattoos present -- 2006 through 2008
floofs, full sleeves, knuckle tattoos present -- 2010 through 2013ish
asymmetrical, fully shaved on one side, unbreakable face tattoo + full sleeves and chest present -- 2013
asymmetrical, hair on the other side -- 2014-16 (?)
symmetrical, short, and kind of stupid -- 2017-2018
stupid bob (two-tone) -- mid-2018 to early 2019
stupid bob (black) -- rest of 2019
kind of looks like weird al, unbreakable -- 2020 through 2021 / early 22
kind of looks like weird al, crown of thorns + blackout -- 2022-23
rapid balding and/or wearing hats constantly -- 2023 through august 2024
stupid bob (balding edition) -- august 2024 to present
don't make a fuss
don't make a scene
you've been like this since '17
leave gracefully before you get kicked out
take the l there's nothing to be mad about
take your feet off the chair
take your noose off my neck
string you up let you choke on your self respect
there's no place for me here
guess i'll go somewhere else
and you can reassess
when i see you in hell
Went to tutoring about that stupid battery module checkpoint -- worked back through the questions I got wrong with the LA, who agreed that "your math is right and your reasoning seems sound, so I have no idea what RealCHEM's problem is."
And unlike competent educational software, RealCHEM does not tell you what the right answer was on questions you got wrong or what it actually wanted. So I've emailed the professor so hopefully I can at least get partial credit for the steps being right. I will be pretty scathing towards RealCHEM in my evaluation, because I don't think there's anything wrong with the professor or how she's teaching, but the software is just...not.
Still, it's reassuring that it's not that I completely did not get the concept and that I'm not losing it and math has ceased to work, but probably that the software sucks.
Protip: Do you enjoy Ronnie's solo output, for some ungodly reason (well, Nobody Likes Me is fun), but don't enjoy how he uses "faggot" as a generic swear word way too frequently? When singing along, replace it with "Mabbitt"! It fits the rhyme scheme, and has a roughly 70% chance of being at least in part who the song is actually about!
Guess the best case scenario would be for him to get in a fight with another band guy who also sucks (e.g. As I Lay Dying, who he does hate for having unfortunately been more relevant than him) so everyone gets what they deserve. Mutually assured destruction, you know?
also apparently that band with the completely unreadable name is one of the ones Ronnie threatened to fight in a parking lot last year for no reason I can recall, but he despises them. I'm not into black / death metal but that means they're probably good
And yes, challenging people to physical fights over band beef is literally what got him into "the greatest mistake of his life" and prison in the first place because he has learned nothing.
Someone should take him up on it and fucking deck him, because any younger guy of comparable size could. Or anyone with meaningful training. Saraya suplexed him (consensually) multiple times which was delightful
I think that perhaps getting his nose broken, as in my fanfic, would be an important learning experience for him, even if not by himself.
needs to learn that he is a grody middle aged man with joint pain so he shouldn't be writing checks his joints can't cash. and that in the real world, if you act like a fuckwad, you get punched in the face. I don't want any other band to drag themselves down to that, though, or to get in legal trouble over it.
while I still enjoy some good skulls and such and the paraphernalia is still fun if I'm going to be seen (and don't need to take everything off for a metal detector), I've found that the longer I'm on HRT, and the more actual music knowledge and experience I have, the less need I feel for external displays of edge. I've buffed my base stats enough that I no longer need as many equipment buffs to be competitive.
the tattoos have also done wonders for gender, edge, and snakeboy euphoria
I did in fact buy the mini bag, and put the snake shirt in it. They are both situationally versatile things I'll use, and also my frivolity spending is going to go down drastically in the future simply due to there being fewer things in New Brunswick.
I probably couldn't wear the snake shirt to teach since it is still a T shirt, but since it's less edgy it's still a cultural signal that would nonetheless be appropriate in more casual professional contexts, especially for a biologist. Slowly trying to implement some more "mature" edgy shirts, separate from my absolute faves.
same deal as the cabinet of curiosities, Tucson snake bridge, and punk rock museum shirts. the in hearts wake one has a skull with its snake but it's still the subtler kind with the small design on front and then full size on back. and also I like snakes and it's time to bring more of those back now that I'm more secure in my scene cred.
hmm Silverstein also has a cute little mini-bag thing that looks very useful for bringing wallet, power bank, phone, etc. to future concerts and such that don't allow backpacks. perhaps I will buy that along with the snake shirt
and it's a better strap than the sports bag thing in my closet; that one was just very unbalanced
overpriced but I'm a big fan of practical gear. I've used the signed in hearts wake grocery bag quite frequently
yes I'm still paying attention but I'm checking FR because I can't fucking see and I don't have lyrics memorized
Silverstein is one of the bands that I like, but don't like-like. There are a couple of songs I really love, but most of them are fun but not especially notable, so they're more of shuffle all rotation than stuff I seek out.
you can talk about a game you like without being contemptuous towards others. I don't understand why that sort of thing is allowed to stay when hot take threads get rightly purged.
If you don't understand how to talk about things you like or give constructive criticism without resorting to contempt and/or insulting games you don't play, you don't get to buy my items.
gonna start blocking every flight rising user who uses neopets as a thought terminating bad example / to brag about FR. especially since many of their favorite burns are either lacking in nuance and don't align with actual neo users or literally factually incorrect (back in 1999 they accidentally hired a marketing firm with Scientology connections, who they fired when they found out. That was literally it. No one of that sort made it into admin or into site content. Try fucking web searching things please.)
Sanguisugabogg. That's the band with the horribly unreadable title. Death metal, of course, in which being difficult is basically the point, but I'm not sure if being unreadable even with subtitles is a smart marketing choice.
Broadside did not do it for me. There's nothing technically wrong with them or morally objectionable, but they simply weren't interesting and I don't like their lead's voice.
Frankly, I think I've seen enough of them. I don't think they warrant further assessment for my spreadsheet opinion.
I don't know what he's doing with his vowels but I don't like it. Reminds me of spongebob of all things?
yeah I'm definitely getting little shop of horrors dentist vibes
Theme is 90% by Enforcer; the rest is thoughts.page default. Part of the Thoughts Webring. Kick ass, take names, fuck Ronnie Radke (not literally).
